I'm one hundred percent content

with things now.  I panicked there for a minute, but I know things are in God's hands, and I'm completely fine with that.  I am looking forward to the future, yes, but I'm perfectly satisfied with living life day to day, relishing each moment, breathing in the present, remembering the past, but not dwelling in it.  I'm realizing how fast time goes by and that I can't get this time back.  I'll never be this Beth, ever again, so I'm going to enjoy things how they are while they lasts.  I think I have Peter Pan Syndrome in that I am afraid of growing up.  Afraid of leaving all I know behind, letting it go for something new.  I don't know what I want, but that's okay because I'm not anticipating things anymore.  Life is not controllable.  It's God's life in me, I'm His vessel, so whatever direction He wants to take me in, I'm all up for it.  He's the driver, I'm just along for the ride. 

I have never understood why people let others dictate their lives...

They let the opinions of others (significant or not) make their decisions.  They sacrifice finding true happiness for logic or "rational thinking." 
I mean you could honestly sit back and watch your dream pass you by while you listen to the voices of others who have a "I'm not pleased, why should you be?" mentality. 
I'm not talking about anything in specific, but several things have just brought me to the edge lately.  People get so absorbed in the way they are viewed or perceived, and in the meantime someone else gets their happiness. 
In the end what matters most?  The opinion of people or the viewpoint of God?  God is our judge. Not people.
Deuteronomy 1:17 says "...ye shall not be afraid of the face of man; for the judgment is God's: and the cause that it is too hard for you, bring it unto me, and I will hear it." 
The Bible also says not to let your good be evil spoken of, but the verse above says don't over analyze things or let the opinion of man worry you, because God is our judge. 
Friends are great, but God's stance is the only one that counts in the end.
 

a world of questions for a world with no answers

Oh how I'd just love to fast forward time to the point where I know I'm exactly where and who I'm supposed to be, and I'm fulfilling my purpose in life.  I don't know where I'm going half the time, and it's like I'm walking on a tightrope- blind-folded.  I'd totally fall off this tightrope if it weren't for God's anti-gravity keeping me balanced up here.  I love the journey, I like the day to day activity of my music stuff and friends and other things that keep me smiling along the way, but it's like at some point you find yourself asking- where am I going?  Sure I have goals and hopes for the future, but it's like an endless rope of plans and projects.  Today I'm gonna do this, tomorrow I hope to accomplish that, which will lead to something else, and on down the line, I hope I'm successful in doing something different, but where does it end??  When have I accomplished all the goals and achieved what I ultimately set out for?  How can I know when I don't even know what I'm setting out for?

this century's already ten years old. it's growing up so fast.. :')

happy new year! this past year was one of my favorite years yet. i had an amazing God experience. i've grown up alot in '09, but i'm looking ahead and anticipating great things for the year to come. i know that God is going to use my ministry to do great things. i know He's gonna prove all over again how truly magnificent He is. my biggest resolution? explore Him, memorize His heart, sync my desires with His, and become a pure and useable vessel He can reach the world through. it's now a race against time. we don't know when our lives will end, and until the whole world hears, it's our duty to reach. that's what i want to spend 2010 doing. reaching, loving, building my faith, and helping others build theirs, and pleasing Jesus Christ.