Had my first conducting experience Saturday night, directed my first choir concert. Stepping up to the music stand was comparable to being born. And if that's over the top, let's just say I'm pretty sure I've found my calling in teaching music.

The joy of life is finding a beautiful something in everything.

This Past Week

has been, in it's entirety, one of the worst yet.  God was with me through the conflicts though, and it's finally the weekend.  I'm hoping Monday will be a breath of fresh air and I can get my priorities straight.
All-Festival auditions were Sunday, I scored a perfect 80/80 with positive timbre and blend comments.  Yesterday morning was All-State auditions, those are more tedious, but I feel pretty confident about it. The difference is Fest is one page of the audition piece "Sitivit Anima Mea," and State is the whole song, a solo, plus sight singing.  We won't get those scores until November.  Hoping!

Camp Blessing

This past week I've been at a Christian youth camp called Camp Blessing in Northern Ohio.  The week was a life-changing one for me and for the other 200 campers in attendance.  First thing when I walked in, they pointed to a box full of cell phones and told me to add mine to the collection, second thing I got stung and found that I was allergic to bees on a campus without a camp nurse, then 90+ degree temps and 65% humidity without air conditioning anywhere on the campground, and yet it was the most enlightening and wonderful five days of my life.  Under the circumstances outlined above, 8 hours from home with a group of people I wasn't close to, and missing my comfort zone, I hated the first two days and in the midst of my complaints, God asked me, "Can you not give me five days of your time?"  And I broke.  So many times we are distracted and are satisfied with living our own lives and keeping God on the sideline when He wants more than anything to have a relationship with us.  That night in service God showed Himself to me in a way I've never felt.  He embraced me and showed me the depth and fullness of His love in a supernatural way.  And as I was praising Him, He filled me with the Holy Spirit, I began praising Him in other tongues.  I can't explain it, I don't understand it, all I know is that when I ran out of names to describe His beauty, my own language failed me and the same thing that happened in the Upper Room in the book of Acts happened that night in the tabernacle.  It sounds crazy, but I'm here to tell you Pentecost is real and still alive today.  I'm a living example.

How You and Mario are Alike

I remember a time in my younger years that I owned an old school Nintendo GameBoy.  I could always be found playing that GameBoy, trying to beat one game- Super Mario 64.  Daily I strived to achieve a higher level than the day before.  Often I failed, Mario fell off a cloud, and I had to start the level over, but every time, I learned from my mistake and didn't make the same mistake the next time I came to the obstacle. 

Super Mario is alot like our walk with Christ.  We daily try to reach a new level, to set a new standard in our Christian faith.  Alot of times we fail, but God's grace is as deep as the ocean and He loves us unconditionally, and forgives us when we fail Him. 

Someone once asked what Christianity was.  My answer is that it's a growing process.  It's following Jesus.  It's giving Christ a broken heart and letting Him mold You into something beautiful.  He loves us as we are, but has a vision for what we can become.  Being a Christian is learning His ways through reading His word, trying to be more and more like Him and less like the world with each day.  The Bible says when we surrender our lives to Jesus, we are new creatures, old things are made new.  Being a Christian means letting go of things that connect you with your old lifestyle, making a change, asking yourself what Jesus would do in every situation.  It's not ritually saying a prayer or reading the Bible, it's loving Christ so much that we long for more of Him.  We pray without ceasing, letting Him guide each step we make.  It's important to read the Bible because it's a road map, telling us how to live and how not to live, a "cheat book" telling us how to overcome the obstacles we face.  And it's a love letter to God's people, promising that this journey to "beat the game" will all be worth it in the end.  Mario gets Princess Peach.  We get Heaven.

I'm one hundred percent content

with things now.  I panicked there for a minute, but I know things are in God's hands, and I'm completely fine with that.  I am looking forward to the future, yes, but I'm perfectly satisfied with living life day to day, relishing each moment, breathing in the present, remembering the past, but not dwelling in it.  I'm realizing how fast time goes by and that I can't get this time back.  I'll never be this Beth, ever again, so I'm going to enjoy things how they are while they lasts.  I think I have Peter Pan Syndrome in that I am afraid of growing up.  Afraid of leaving all I know behind, letting it go for something new.  I don't know what I want, but that's okay because I'm not anticipating things anymore.  Life is not controllable.  It's God's life in me, I'm His vessel, so whatever direction He wants to take me in, I'm all up for it.  He's the driver, I'm just along for the ride. 

I have never understood why people let others dictate their lives...

They let the opinions of others (significant or not) make their decisions.  They sacrifice finding true happiness for logic or "rational thinking." 
I mean you could honestly sit back and watch your dream pass you by while you listen to the voices of others who have a "I'm not pleased, why should you be?" mentality. 
I'm not talking about anything in specific, but several things have just brought me to the edge lately.  People get so absorbed in the way they are viewed or perceived, and in the meantime someone else gets their happiness. 
In the end what matters most?  The opinion of people or the viewpoint of God?  God is our judge. Not people.
Deuteronomy 1:17 says "...ye shall not be afraid of the face of man; for the judgment is God's: and the cause that it is too hard for you, bring it unto me, and I will hear it." 
The Bible also says not to let your good be evil spoken of, but the verse above says don't over analyze things or let the opinion of man worry you, because God is our judge. 
Friends are great, but God's stance is the only one that counts in the end.
 

a world of questions for a world with no answers

Oh how I'd just love to fast forward time to the point where I know I'm exactly where and who I'm supposed to be, and I'm fulfilling my purpose in life.  I don't know where I'm going half the time, and it's like I'm walking on a tightrope- blind-folded.  I'd totally fall off this tightrope if it weren't for God's anti-gravity keeping me balanced up here.  I love the journey, I like the day to day activity of my music stuff and friends and other things that keep me smiling along the way, but it's like at some point you find yourself asking- where am I going?  Sure I have goals and hopes for the future, but it's like an endless rope of plans and projects.  Today I'm gonna do this, tomorrow I hope to accomplish that, which will lead to something else, and on down the line, I hope I'm successful in doing something different, but where does it end??  When have I accomplished all the goals and achieved what I ultimately set out for?  How can I know when I don't even know what I'm setting out for?

this century's already ten years old. it's growing up so fast.. :')

happy new year! this past year was one of my favorite years yet. i had an amazing God experience. i've grown up alot in '09, but i'm looking ahead and anticipating great things for the year to come. i know that God is going to use my ministry to do great things. i know He's gonna prove all over again how truly magnificent He is. my biggest resolution? explore Him, memorize His heart, sync my desires with His, and become a pure and useable vessel He can reach the world through. it's now a race against time. we don't know when our lives will end, and until the whole world hears, it's our duty to reach. that's what i want to spend 2010 doing. reaching, loving, building my faith, and helping others build theirs, and pleasing Jesus Christ.