Psalms 69

Lately I've felt like a zombie. I have no energy, I've been broken inside over something someone said that really tore me apart. My physical condition hasn't been much better. I'm always tired, I don't feel like myself, I hurt all over, I have weird breakouts and unneccesary fevers, and all of that has taken a toll on my emotional state as well. I came to the point tonight when I realized the condition I was in. I felt like no one could understand the extent of what I was feeling. I've been in so much physical and emotional pain lately and to be honest it's put me in a depressive state. So when all my tears were cried and I'd done all I could do, I went and laid down on my bed. I told God I needed help- badly. Man did he listen. I sat down and wrote Him a letter in which I told him all of my feelings that I've bottled up. I told him how tired I was and how sick I was of feeling hurt and in pain. I told Him I felt like no one understood or even cared and then in the middle of that letter He gave me some serious encouragement. It was like He embraced me and showed me all of the blessings that He's placed in my life. All of the good things. Sometimes we get so focused on the bad in our lives, all of the stuggles we face, how much it hurts to go on and we don't even take time to thank God for the strength and the help He sends us. God showed me the faces of each one of my friends, my family, my church family, my choir, my talents, all of the things that bring me joy and keep me living and happy. I apologized to God for being so selfish and overlooking all that. He didn't stop there. He directed me to read my Bible, particularly Psalms 69. You can read the whole chapter here, but basically David is telling the Lord how distressed he is, how he has cried and no one can comfort or understand his pain. He is basically feeling exactly what I am, and this chapter shocked me because it matched my situation so well. It truly took the words out of my mouth. It encouraged me to know that God cares, to know that He hears every whimper, and feels my pain. He knows even when I don't say anything that I am hurting and He doesn't tire of my pleas for help. He is my lifeboat and my shelter in this storm and I know He'll bring me through this difficult time. I believe He will make things right, change my loved ones, and ultimately heal whatever's wrong with me for HIS glory. That is something I have faith in.